Ivory Tower Class

Originally posted by kirksey957
OK, as I promised class , we gonna talk about some of da worst parents on da face of da earth. But first I needs to digress a little. As I said we sometimes a labratory work in progress and last night was what I call tha real thang. Did yo see that straight up parentin that Dr. Cribs put on that little boy who was lookin for his daddy? See Cribs did s ...[text shortened]... You is!

Do you all see a pattern here? Study these men cuz this is how not to do it. Ya dig?

OK, let me espouse a little about horticulture and see if maybe I gets some to step up to da plate fo confession time. We all know dat days some screwed up people on dis site. Ya ever heard the apple don't fall far from da tree. And da father's have eatin sour grapes and da childrens' teach be set on edge. That's right, RB, that is scripture and it's da truth. It all means it gets passed down...and then it get passed down again. Dats why we havin dis class to put a little sweetness in da grapes. Ya dig?

kirksey i have to say that you are right about the apple not falling far from the tree. your daughter (i will not guess the spelling for fear of bringing her wrath) certainly has the developing wit of her father. there is also a nice 9-yearold on the site who goes by the name of girl pearl. i believe her father is flash but im not sure. they are both very nice which again proves your point. this ivory tower stuff is pretty cool. keep it up man.


mike

Thank you and God bless. We all here to learn and none of us perfect.

OK, listen up, class. Gettin into some serious stuff tonight. Gonna be a long class as I see none of you are participatin and axing questions. But before I begin, I got a call today from Michael Jackson's lawyer. Any of you know what dat might be about?

OK, let us continue. Tonight we gonna start by talkin childbirth. No, RB, you can't go home and look at the Discovery Channel. Brothaz I'm here to tell ya thangs have changed a lot. Used to be you go down the hall and smoke a cigarette and look at TV , maybe some hot soap opera queen on there. No more. They wont yo ass in der. And I got to tell ya I got some mixed feelins and all. We all know that childbirth is traumatic. Well, guess what? It be traumatic to us too, ya dig. What they do is......"No, RB, you may not go to the restroom". Anyway as I was sayin it's like a game to begin with. Sort of like finga paintin with molasses and all cept I think day call it betadine or something. It don't look like it used to. And you find out real real quick she aint be like she used to. She all mad that you put her there. And all them nurses thay mad at ya to for doin dat to her. Now they won't tell ya dat, but you can bet on some "back turned to ya" stuff, ya dig? Oh it gets worse. Days blood, ma brothaz. I mean blood. And ders moanin. Kind of used to be it looked like one of dem European kitchins and all with all dat stainless steel stuff, but not anymore. Day got it lookin like a hotel room. So comfortable maybe Cribs get his stable to hang out in, but see dat's da trap. They sneakin ya into a hotel room only Freddie Krugers name is on tha door, ya dig? Well they tell ya you der to "participate" and all. Looks to me like we done participated already and dats why we there. But I'm gonna tell ya tha truth right now. You is there to be scarred. Dats right. Oh she got the pain and all tha blood, but you leavin wit da mark. It's a psychic mark.

Now adays you get a lot of couples all sensitive and stuff and want to do crazy ass stuff. They wanna do stuff like keep the placenta and bury it under some tree in da yard. Look, you wanna do something with that ole thang, you just take it home and sautee it up in a skillet with a little Alpo and feed it to yo dog and forget the thang ever existed.

OK, lets move on. Lookin at the TV you'd think this was best day in da world bringin a baby home. It ain't. It's the worst. Life as you've known it is over baby. Gone is the freedom. Gone is da sleep, and remember dat psychic wound I told ya about. Yea, gone is you know what at least for a while.

One thang they never tell ya is that a baby got more suckin power than a black hole. Suck you dry and we aint talkin breast feedin. We finished that class. No one prepares ya for the dependency that baby has on ya. OK, brothaz, let's step up to da plate. You gotta get yo ass in gear. You gotta cook. You gotta clean, do laundry. And don't use dem cloth diapers. One thang you gonna find out quick is dis here baby changes everythang ...for good. Womens got special needs now. Don't be all freakin out she break down and cry and call ya at work and say "Can you come home and watch the baby cuz I ain't had a shower in 3 days." Or meet ya at da door wit a shotgun and tell ya get yo ass down tha store and bring home some Hagen Daz. I'm tellin ya straight up.

But there's hope! No, RB, I ain't talkin about Jesus. It gets better as da baby gets older, unless that is if you screw dis part up. You screw it up early, it be all over and like I said that baby be in prison or crazy religion. So get down in dat baby's face and smile. Smile , dammit!
OK, have we learned anythang. Let's open it up for questions.

when i last went back home, i got to see my little nephew two days after his birth. his name is Keegan. the chord apparently was wrapped around his neck so they had to take him quickly, leaving some fluid still in his lungs and giving him two black eyes...he looks like a lil raccoon. he is still in intensive care but they are lowering his oxygen levels daily now. he is gonna make it. you are right kirk, childbirth is a brutal thing.

Let me tell ya another little dirty game these nurses will play wit ya. It's called "OK, now we set him up to feel all big." What day do is day give ya some scissors and let ya cut tha cord makin ya think "Oh, how nice they want to include me." It aint what it seems. It's kind of like those flowers that squirt water only when you cut the cord blood be sprayin everywhere and all the while day be laughin at ya. But in a way it all be preparin you for the onslaught of stuff be flyin at ya when ya get home. Ya just gotta live through it. No preparin for it.

Originally posted by kirksey957
Let me tell ya another little dirty game these nurses will play wit ya. It's called "OK, now we set him up to feel all big." What day do is day give ya some scissors and let ya cut tha cord makin ya think "Oh, how nice they want to include me." It aint what it seems. It's kind of like those flowers that squirt water only when you cut the cord bl ...[text shortened]... t of stuff be flyin at ya when ya get home. Ya just gotta live through it. No preparin for it.

First one, reality sets in.😲, second one, more reality😕, third one, you have already been ground down😀,
I think during the third I sat in the corner eating a bananna.

Oh, let me hit ya up wit more to get ya all in reality. Exactly how much does it cost to raise a baby in today's market? When I tell ya , you gonna go out and get a vasectomy. Whose got the answer?

By ya silence I can tell this be a tough question, so I'm gonna help ya out a little. Here are some things that is cheaper than a baby:

1) a vasectomy
2) a dog (easier to house train and won't drop out of college)
3) a Lexus (any model, it don't matter)
4) a night wit Cribs' stable
5) a vacation ( you pick da place)

Are ya startin to get ma feel?

Originally posted by kirksey957
By ya silence I can tell this be a tough question, so I'm gonna help ya out a little. Here are some things that is cheaper than a baby:

1) a vasectomy
2) a dog (easier to house train and won't drop out of college)
3) a Lexus (any model, it don't matter)
4) a night wit Cribs' stable
5) a vacation ( you pick da place)

Are ya startin to get ma feel?

Originally posted by rapalla7
Are you asking me, I just paid off the last one, I am still in the front end of the investment.

I got a vasectomy!😏

Originally posted by kirksey957
Good man! The cost of raising a kid is $250,000.

Originally posted by rapalla7
Are sex, sanity, sleep a cost?