Ivory Tower Class

OK, you've come home with the baby. Hmm. Something feels a little different. But what is it? Now wait a minute. While we were at the hospital did a bulldozer come by and take off a third of the house? Basically, yep, that is what happened. Seven pounds carries a lot of weight and your house just got smaller by a third.

Lot of other things are different too. The name of the game is survival. I'm going to tell you the big mistakes new parents make. Well it goes with out saying some people don't need to be having babies, but I'm assuming everybody here is smart enough to learn. But it's more than just learning. It's digging down inside yourself and finding who you are. You're going to have to because like I said it's all different from here on out.

Mistake #1: Don't share responsibilities. See previous lesson. There ain't no male or female jobs. You're parents now. Yea, you're grounded if that makes it any clearer.

Mistake #2: Never get a baby sitter and get out of the house. You do that the baby gets too dependent on you. Get them socialized to other kids and grown-ups.

Mistake #3😀on't take turns with getting up in the middle of the night. What I mean by this is trade who gets to get up in the night for feedings and changing. 8 hours sleep is going to make the next day better.

Mistake #4: Losing contact with your friends. Keep doing stuff with them. Most fitness centers have childcare. Get that body back in shape, ladies. And men, just because she put on a few pounds don't mean you have to. One baby is enough to carry around without another you can't get rid of.

Mistake #5: OK, you heard me talk about the cat and dog earlier. Your floors going to get real messy. Which one you think is going to take care of that food on the floor? Exactly! The cat has got to go. Get you a nice big dog with a good appetite. It'll make life easier when it comes to cleaning the floor. But there's more to it and we'll get into that later on our class entitled "children and pets."

OK, may I entertain any questions?

Originally posted by Cribs
Just as English is the international language used by scientists,
the pimpspeak you get from me is the international language
of my profession.

I can do my best to translate to other languages upon
request, but it won't be tha real deal. If you come to the
USA, tha major leagues of pimpin', and you try to talk
in Swedish or Urdu, you gonna be one broke pimp befo'
tha day is over.

Originally posted by Scheel
If you bring your own prime stable with you from Sweden and let them - how should I put it - do the talking.

Then I think you will be up and running just fine in less than a day.

Originally posted by Cribs
If you already got a stable fulla top-notch Swedish ho's,
then you ain't got nothin' to learn from me! I might have
to sit in yo' class fo' a while!

Dr. Cribs

Originally posted by kirksey957
President Cribs, thank you for that wonderful example of what we mean when we say a truly smart person is willing to learn from others.

Dear Abby.................................





😀

Originally posted by kirksey957
Oh, let me hit ya up wit more to get ya all in reality. Exactly how much does it cost to raise a baby in today's market? When I tell ya , you gonna go out and get a vasectomy. Whose got the answer?

Originally posted by Scheel
Allways willing to learn the tricks from a master I have a question for you:

How much do you think you could save by having twins, or even triblings (or what ever its called).

In other words are there any synergy effects in this game and what is the priceelasticity on parenthood ?

Originally posted by kirksey957
You don't save a damn thang. Excuse me, thing. There isn't a daycare around going to give you a "two for one" deal. Twice as many clothes; twice as much food, but maybe the worst about it is twice as much dependency going in your direction. Of course everybody's going "aw, aint that cute, little twins all dressed alike." Let me tell you someth ...[text shortened]... ns and I'm sensing some interest. No, RB, we will not be seeing any Swedish childbirth videos.

Professa Cribs, we have a student here that seems to need some special tutoring in terms of exploring some unknown territories. In light of deep generosity with that little boy the other night, do you think it possible one of yo stable might be willing to be, how shall we say, a workin laboratory for this young man?

Originally posted by kirksey957
Professa Cribs, we have a student here that seems to need some special tutoring in terms of exploring some unknown territories. In light of deep generosity with that little boy the other night, do you think it possible one of yo stable might be willing to be, how shall we say, a workin laboratory for this young man?

Originally posted by Cribs
Yo, what we all saw tha other night was a miracle!
I think in tha Lord's eyes, there's a big differnce between
me findin' an extra Jackson crumpled up in my roll,
and me findin' it in my heart to donate one of my ho's
to science, know what I'm sayin'?

That one's gonna take a lotta prayer. Too bad we ain't
got nobody representin' tha clergy yet up in tha IT.

Dr. Cribs

I could do with some real hail Mary's here, now what I mean?

Well, I have thought and prayed about it. If the position of professor of religious studies is still open I'm ready to apply for the post. The good Lord has seen fit to reveal himself to me, and he told me he would bless my professorship on one condition...I must be willing to admit before both God and man that I have nothing to teach anyone about Him, because I don't know anything about Him. (I'm not even sure he is a Him).

You see the one thing I can teach people about religion was placed in my heart many years ago. I learned that no matter what your belief system is, no matter what you have faith in, you NEED to be humble, and appreciate and respect the beliefs and faiths of others. I know...it sounds easy, but it is not, just wait 'till you get a look at some of the homework I have planned for y'all. 😉

So if you are looking for a professor of religion that knows nothing about God, and does not have a consistent system of beliefs for himself, let alone to teach to others. If you are looking for a professor of religion that will insist all his students spend, at least, a week reflecting on the possibility that everything they thought they
knew might be wrong...then I am your man.

TheSkipper

Originally posted by TheSkipper
Well, I have thought and prayed about it. If the position of professor of religious studies is still open I'm ready to apply for the post. The good Lord has seen fit to reveal himself to me, and he told me he would bless my professorship on one condition...I must be willing to admit before both God and man that I have nothing to teach anyone about Him, ...[text shortened]... ility that everything they thought they
knew might be wrong...then I am your man.

TheSkipper