Originally posted by dyl😵😵😵😵😵😵😵
Put the thesaurus down for a minute mate and make a joke 🙄.
Another Aussie joke, hopefully not too rude...
Whenever two drovers get together there is the inevitable argument about who has the best Kelpie Sheepdog. So the merits of their respective dogs was the subject of the debate at the pub.
"My dog's so smart," said one, "I can give him five ins ...[text shortened]... he standing on his head?"
"Well he knows I haven't got an egg cup," said the proud owner.
David Beckham had been playing crao for a few weeks (nothing new there then) and Alex Ferguson called him into the office, "David " he said "Why are you playing so S***E"
"Well boss, Victoria bought me this jigsaw and I have been having difficulty finishing it"
"What is it" asks Alex.
"It's a tiger,boss" says David
"BRING IT IN TOMORROW AND WE'LL GET IT SORTED" yells Alex.
Next day David brings in the box and scatters the pieces on the boss's table.
"You f*****g prat" roars Alex " That's a box of Frosties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Late night at a local bar a few guys walk in and sit a a table in the corner. After a while they huddle together in private conversation. Each one places some money upon their table and one of them walks up to the bar. He says, "Hey bartender, I'll bet you forty bucks that you can put a shot glass at the other end of the bar and I can piss into it from here and not spill a drop." The bartender thinks about this for a moment and then agrees to the bet. The bartender puts a shot glass at the opposite end of the bar. The man unzips his pants and......proceeds to urinate all over the bar, never coming anywhere close to the shot glass. The man pays the bartender (who is laughing his butt off) and walks back to his table with a grin on his face. A few minutes later the man returns to speak with the bartender again. He has a large smile upon his face and says, "Bartender, everyone here gets a round on me. Just let me know the tab." The bartender is astonished. He askes the man, "How is it you're so happy? You just lost forty bucks to me!" The man leans close to him and says, "Yes I did, but I bet each of my six friends over there a hundred bucks that I could piss all over your bar and you would just sit there and laugh."😀
An Aussie bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar and leans over to the big guy next to him and says, 'Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?
The big guy replies, 'Well mate, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 1.90 m tall, 125 kg and I played as a forward for the All Blacks."
"The guy next to me is 1.85 m, weighs 115 kg and he's an ex-All Black lock."
"Next to him is a bloke who's 2 m tall, weighs 120 kg and he's a current All Black second rower. Now do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"
The first bloke says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."
Originally posted by royalchickenThere once was a guy, who plays chess,
A woman I know is a flirt,
Climbing high mountaintops in a skirt.
She says it is nice,
When she climbs on the ice,
And keeps those below more alert....
You’d be wrong to say he’s the best,
When he’s in the bath,
He thinks about math,
Posting to “posers and puzzles” as tests.
This guy wakes up in the middle of the night by noises. He goes to the back door and see's people in his green house eating his garden. So, he calls the police. The police ask him if they are in the house, no he replys. Ok the police respond, we will send someone over shortly, we are short handed. He waits about 30 minutes and calls back. You know those people in my greenhouse, don't worry about it, I just shot them all. In 2 minutes all kinds of squad cars show up. They arrest everyone. Police officer says, I thought you said you shot them. The guy says, I thought you were short handed.😀
Originally posted by PhlabibitWhile thinking on cylinder placing,
There once was a guy, who plays chess,
You’d be wrong to say he’s the best,
When he’s in the bath,
He thinks about math,
Posting to “posers and puzzles” as tests.
His mind rather fruitlessly racing,
Phlabibit got mad,
Broke out the CAD,
And drew up the optimum spacing.
(I assume your limerick referred to me...)
Originally posted by royalchickenYup... Another Poser and Puzzle lymric.....
While thinking on cylinder placing,
His mind rather fruitlessly racing,
Phlabibit got mad,
Broke out the CAD,
And drew up the optimum spacing.
(I assume your limerick referred to me...)
There once was a thread named "clocks",
With an evildoer who's villainy shocks,
Somehow the 3 hands,
equidistantly land,
I still think it all was a crock.
😉
Originally posted by PhlabibitI feel I must raise a song,
Yup... Another Poser and Puzzle lymric.....
There once was a thread named "clocks",
With an evildoer who's villainy shocks,
Somehow the 3 hands,
equidistantly land,
I still think it all was a crock.
😉
To someone, so nobly wrong.
Who won't hear the logic,
Of those pedagogic
Arguments, so solid and strong.
😀 😉 Sorry...
The US government today reported that soldiers in Iraq, on a routine search mission, had arrested all the inhabitants of a building in the south quarter of bagdad. Items including a ruler, a compass, a calculator & a pertractor were confiscated from the building and were transported to be held in a secure location. President Bush was reportedly delighted that the allied forces had finally found the weapons of maths instruction. 🙂
Originally posted by lionelfact is stranger than fiction... This is based on reality. Someone did this!
This guy wakes up in the middle of the night by noises. He goes to the back door and see's people in his green house eating his garden. So, he calls the police. The police ask him if they are in the house, no he replys. Ok the police respond, we will send someone over shortly, we are short handed. He waits about 30 minutes and calls back. You know those peop ...[text shortened]... officer says, I thought you said you shot them. The guy says, I thought you were short handed.😀