A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear hot skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely.
The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf.
The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves as he's having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon each male patron is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After many trips she's tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try this bread for herself!!!
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," croaks the old man, "but it's startin' to twitch."
Originally posted by Count CogliostroJust for the benefit of the people who have been eating ice cream and drinking cold beer and have still gained weight:
Justification for beer and Ice cream! But stay away from the pizza!
As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperatu ...[text shortened]... e thin if we were to adhere religiously to a pizza, beer, and ice cream diet.
Happy eating!
The calories that heating up the beer or ice cream consume are given in calories here. The "calories" in the food mentioned are, in fact, kilocalories (1000 calories). Meaning that from your 16 kcal/ounce in beer, merely 1 kcal is burned, leaving it with 15 kcal/ounce.
Just in case anyone wanted to know 😉
Hey, thanks to all of you for this thread. It really cheers me up. I love good jokes, even puns. Here's a doctor joke I've told to several doctors, including surgeons, and they have each time enjoyed it. The head of surgery for the hospital who took out half my lower intestine even wrote it down to use in his lectures, as it is a teaching hospital.
Four doctors decide to go duck hunting together. They agree to take turns rather than all shooting at the same time.
The first duck flies across the field of view from their blind -- about 25 yards out and going from left to right. The first doctor up is the general practitioner. But he doesn't even raise his shotgun, just watches the bird closely as it flies past.
"Why didn't you shoot?" the others ask him.
"Well, I wasn't at all sure that was a duck," the GP replied.
The next duck flew past the duck blind about 10 yards away from right to left. The second doctor up, the Internist, raised his shotgun, took careful aim and tracked the bird all the way across but did not fire.
"Why didn't you shoot?" the others ask him.
"Well, I was not absolutely certain that was a duck," the Internist replied.
The next bird rose vertically right in front of the blind, so close as to be hardly discernible other than as a large flying object with feathers.
The surgeon already had his shotgun at the ready and opened up with both barrels immediately, then proceeded to pump and fire again until the shotgun was empty.
Bits of feathers, tiny fragments of bird rained down in a sort of reddened mist and settled on the pond in front of the blind.
The surgeon turned to the fourth doctor, the Pathologist, and said:
"Go out there and see if that was a duck."
It's a badly known fact that Quasimodo (you know - the Hunchback of Notredame) has an identical twin bother. The twin had left the city many years ago, to live in the countryside, where he made a good living as a bell-ringer for a small rural church.
One day, Quasimiodo decides that he wants to go on a holiday - he hasn't left the city in years - so he gives his brother a ring and asks if he'd like to come over to look after the bells at Notredame for a week.The brother decides that this is a great idea. Nice change of scenery, and all that, so he packs a couple of bags, and heads off to Paris.
When he arrives, the first thing to get to him is the size of everything. He's used to the little church bells, and the size of Notredame cathedral and it's bells are a little awe-inspiring.
Quasimodo leads him up to the belfry. "The bell-cords rotted through years ago," he says, " so I have to ring the bells from up here."
"How do you do that?" asks his brother (not really sure he wants to know the answer).
"Well," says Quasi, "I run at the bells, and hit them with my head like this...". So he bashes the nearest bell with his forehead, and it makes a beatiful (and loud) ring.
After a few demonstrations, the brother decides to have a go. He runs up towards a bell, smacks his head against it, and it makes a lovely ring, but unfortunately, it also gives him concussion, and he staggers around the belfry for a moment before falling out, down, down, down to the pavement below.
Quasimodo is understandably upset, and as he peers over the edge, he can see a crowd of people gathering around the scene.
"Who is it?" says one.
"I'm not sure, but the face rings a bell," says another.
"Yes - he's a dead ringer for Quasimodo," says a third.
"No. I think it's his brother," says the second person, "I had a hunch he was back."