In the middle ages, there was a science called Alchemy. It was the forerunner of chemistry, and many men tried their luck with it, as it was believed that you could do things like turn lead into gold.
These high hopes were eventually dashed, but the practice did turn up some suprising findings.
For example, it was discovered that if you put some ordinary looking herbs into sea water when the moon is full, it would instantly vanish.
After all: thyme in tide waits for no man.
An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. He challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred. Many tried, unsuccessfully.
Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"
The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
Three Things to Ponder:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and 'Thou Shalt Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
HOW TO TELL REPUBLICANS FROM DEMOCRATS:
. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans
form censorship committees and read them as a group.
. Republicans consume three fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country.
The remainder is thrown out.
. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.
. Democrats give their worn out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.
. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.
. Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.
. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.
. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.
. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.
. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.
. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
. Republicans sleep in twin beds some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.
Originally posted by Ice Cold😵
Three Things to Ponder:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls ...[text shortened]... uilding full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were about to embark on a 'survivalist' journey across a desert. They decided amongst themselves that besides their clothing, they were only able to bring 1 item each. The redhead spoke up and said," Well, it's pretty obvious we'll be needing water. I'll bring this backpack thermos I have, and we can all share." The others agreed. The brunette said, "I think we'll need some shade from time to time. I've got a collapsible lean-to I can bring." Sounded like a good idea to everyone. The blonde then suddenly exclaimed," I know! I know! I'm going to bring a car door!" The redhead and brunette looked at each other quizically, and then at their blonde friend and gently asked, "Whatever for?" "Well," the blonde responded,"that way, whenever we get hot, we can just roll down the window!"
