Jokes and the Culture of Laugh

A guy, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.
One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the guy had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the guy started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, cautiously leaned over to the young woman, and whispered in her ear...
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally, one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian:

"I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark - then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hit the water and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate. Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
During the next tropical storm, Justin figured that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was thinking of being a prawn again, a flash of lightning struck the water next to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark!" came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,

"It's me, Justin, your old friend. Come out and see me again." Christian replied,

"No way, man. You'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy. I will not be tricked".

Justin cried back "No I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed, I'm a prawn again Christian!"

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance.
1. A woman
2. A donkey
3. A shovel
4. A fish
5. A Star of David
They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could agree was the meaning of the markings.
The President of their society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish, which means that if they had a famine hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
The audience applauded enthusiastically and the President smiled and said, "I'm glad to see that you are all in full agreement with our interpretations."
Suddenly a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said, "I object to every word. The explanation of what the writings say is quite simple. First of all, everyone knows that Hebrews don't read from left to right, but from right to left... Now, look again... When reading it correctly, it says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman ."

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half... The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here.
Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Canada, Sir."
Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just tramps and hockey players up there." "Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!!" The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?"

im off. never to be seen again. well not for a while fanyway. moving house today, and thus have no internet for an unspecified time period. so long, it was nice to know ya. i may be back sometime in the future. this site rocks.........

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?



Homeless

Originally posted by dale21
im off. never to be seen again. well not for a while fanyway. moving house today, and thus have no internet for an unspecified time period. so long, it was nice to know ya. i may be back sometime in the future. this site rocks.........

Originally posted by dale21
im off. never to be seen again. well not for a while fanyway. moving house today, and thus have no internet for an unspecified time period. so long, it was nice to know ya. i may be back sometime in the future. this site rocks.........

Why don't blind people like bungie jumping?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

Originally posted by dale21
im off. never to be seen again. well not for a while fanyway. moving house today, and thus have no internet for an unspecified time period. so long, it was nice to know ya. i may be back sometime in the future. this site rocks.........

Jesus saves by shopping wisely and using double coupons.

Originally posted by LittleBear
[b]
(sorry if ive posted this before... i dont think so, bur just in case tell Russ... 😀 )


I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is John Reiner and could I please speak to Robin Bishop?" Suddenly the phone was slamm ...[text shortened]... and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"

Originally posted by LittleBear
[b]
(sorry if ive posted this before... i dont think so, bur just in case tell Russ... 😀 )


I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is John Reiner and could I please speak to Robin Bishop?" Suddenly the phone was slamm ...[text shortened]... and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"

Originally posted by Rochade