well... I'm blonde, but I still love these two jokes:
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think youre doing? Its things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, Id come out there and kick your butt"
There's a big speech being held, and the goal is to refute the saying that blondes are dumb. So, the speaker goes "I need a volunteer up here." one woman in the audience (consisting entirely of blondes) gets up on stage.
Speaker: What's 243*12?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 59.
Audience: Give her another chance!
Speaker: Ok, what's 6*8?
Blonde: Uhhhhh 34!
Audience: Give her another chance!
Speaker: Ok, what's 1+1?
Blonde: 2!
Audience: Give her another chance!
Originally posted by angie88haha!! i loved the second one.....err....sorry 😕😵
well... I'm blonde, but I still love these two jokes:
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think youre doing? Its things like ...[text shortened]... e her another chance!
Speaker: Ok, what's 1+1?
Blonde: 2!
Audience: Give her another chance!
Originally posted by angie88Would have been better if it was:
There's a big speech being held, and the goal is to refute the saying that blondes are dumb. So, the speaker goes "I need a volunteer up here." one woman in the audience (consisting entirely of blondes) gets up on stage.
Speaker: What's 243*12?
Blonde: Ummmmm... 59.
What's 252 * 20?
7!
I dream of a day when a chicken can cross the road without having its reasons questioned.
One day there will be a fast food franchise called dunken britches.
"Hey, I'm going on down to Dunkin Britches. You guys want anything?"
"Get me the little ones them big ones give me hemeroids."
a job applicant was called in for an interview. The fellow had a problem of continously winking. During the interview, the interviewer asked the applicant about his problem, to which, the applicant replied, "oh!! its just a matter of taking a tablet of asprin, & i'll be ok for a few hours."
As he said this,he started frantically emptying his pocket, in an attempt to find asprin. All that he kept taking out was packets of condoms. Finally he found an asprin, which he quickly swallowed, and his winking stop instantly.
The interviewer said, "well thats good, but we do not really encourage womanising in our office." So the applicant replied, "No, no. Its not what you think. Have you ever tried asking a pharmacist for a tablet of asprin while winking?"
France elevates its security level
As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate".
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Onions & Christmas Trees
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many
kinds of boobies are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts.
in her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions"
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
A Christmas tree?
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."
Guy walks into the bar, goes up to the bartender. Reaching into
his pants pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "Set up
everybody in the place!" he shouts. The bartender obliges.
Suddenly, a little man jumps out of the guy's pocket, runs down
the bar, and kicks all of the drinks, smokes, change, etc on
the floor. He runs back and jumps back into the guy's pocket.
The Bartender asks what's going on. The guy just reaches back
into his pants pocket, pulls out another hundred, and says
"just set everybody up again." Bartender obliges once more,
suspiciously watching the guy.
Once more the little man appears from the guy's shirt pocket.
Runs down the bar, breaks the glasses, pitches the napkins into
the air, etc. Runs back and jumps into the shirt pocket again.
This time the guy buttons the pocket.
Bartender says "explain yourself, or leave."
Guy says "Well....I was walking down the beach one day, and ran
across a bottle in the sand. Turns out there is a Genie in the
bottle. Gave me 3 wishes!
So my first wish was to never run out of cash again. Now every
time I reach into my pants pocket there is a hundred dollar
bill!
Second wish was to never be lonely again. Went back to my
apartment and there waiting for me were 3 of the most beatuiful
supermodels you have ever seen, all willing to do whatever I
desired from them!"
"Third wish...I wished for a 6 inch prick, and THIS IS THE
LITTLE BASTARD I GOT!!!"
