Jokes and the Culture of Laugh

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Once god created Adam he stated: Wow! this is the most impressive thing i've ever done yet. I dont think i'll ever be able to top that, but i'll have to try anyway."
Then, god created Eve and said: Well, not as nice as my last, you'll have to wear makeup."

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Did you hear about the asian man that walked into a wall with a boner?
He hurt his nose real bad.


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On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid said, "Yeah."
Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid took the ticked, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

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Not great ones, but the thread needs a boost.

Cardiologist's Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.........I'm a gynecologist."


The proctologist fainted.

Little Heidi was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered
over the fence.

Interested in what the rosy-faced youngster was doing, he asked, "What are you up to there, Heidi?

My goldfish died," replied little Heidi tearfully without looking up
"and I've just buried him."

The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Little Heidi patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them ,
"No.......I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."

Originally posted by aspviper666
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, ...[text shortened]... . There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Ellifino!

I could use these, is there any way I can save the whole thread as a doc or txt file without endless cutting and pasting?

Originally posted by asromacalcio
I could use these, is there any way I can save the whole thread as a doc or txt file without endless cutting and pasting?

Thibodeaux and Boudreaux are out in the woods hunting
when suddenly Boudreaux grabs his chest and falls to
the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes
are rolled back in his head. Thibodeaux whips out his
cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator,

"I think Boudreaux is dead! What should I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just
take it easy and follow my instructions.

First,let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence...... and then a shot is heard.

Thibodeaux's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now
what?

(ATLANTA) The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:
antisocial personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Originally posted by CrazyLilTing
(ATLANTA) The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years.
...[text shortened]... ed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Originally posted by mochiron
How many elephants can you fit in a Volkwagon Beetle?

Two in the front and two in the back.

Originally posted by c99ux
How do you get 2504 Jews in a VW Beetle?

Two in the front, two in the back, the rest in the ashtray...