Jokes and the Culture of Laugh

my little cousin loves telling me jokes whenever i come home. keep in mind he is 6 years old. thought it was pretty clever of him.


a man is building his house and is using red, yellow, and blue bricks. he is almost done and his crazy neighbor comes over and says "i bet you 1,000 dollars i can throw this red brick up in the air and i t wont come down." the builder laughs and agrees. so the crazy man throws the red brick up in the air and it comes crashing down. the builder laughs and says "you owe me 1,000 dollars" the crazy man gets mad and tells the builder "ok i bet you 2,000 dollars that i can throw this yellow brick way up in the air and it wont come back down" the builder just laughs and agrees. so the crazy man throws the yellow brick way up in the air and after a while it comes crashing down. this really makes the crazy man mad. so the crazy man says to the builder "ok i bet you 1,000,000 dollars that i can throw this blue brick way up in the air and it wont come back down." the builder can really use the money so he agrees. the crazy man throws the blue brick up as hard as he can and it never comes back down and he wins a million dollars.

i just kinda laughed and so he wanted to tell me another. i couldnt resist since he seemed so satified to be making all the older people laugh. he followed up with this one.

a man is sitting on a plane smoking a nice cigar next to a lady with a little dog. the lady asks him to put it out because the smoke is bothering her dog. the man says "are you crazy this cigar costs alot of money" and he continues to smoke. a whlie later he is still smoking and the lady asks him to put the cigar out the man says " are you crazy this cigar costs alot of money who cares about your dog." the man finally finishes his cigar and gets out another and lights it up. this makes the lady mad so she says if you dont put that out i am going to tell on you. well now the man is mad. so he says to the lady "if you dont stop whining then i am going to take your dog from you and throw it out the window. (keep in mind the kid is six years old)this really makes the lady mad so she gets up to tell and the man grabs the dog and throws it out the window. everybody see it and the lady goes and tells the pilot that the man threw her dog out the window. the pilot looks out the window and guess what was on the wing... the blue brick.

i thought that was pretty good for his age.

Negotiation skills

A man went out to hunt a bear.

Finally, he saw one and got him in his sights.

But before he could shoot, the bear shouted at him: "Hey man, put the gun down. There's nothing that cannot be resolved by rather talking about it!"

So they sat down under a tree, and the bear asked: "Let's start from the point of enlightened self-interest. What do YOU really want out of this?"

The man replied: "Well, quite frankly, I sort of had my heart set on a new fur coat. What is it that YOU want?"

The bear replied: "All that I really want is a full stomach."

So they sat down and negotiated some more.


After a while, the bear got up and walked away. Each one finally got what he wanted: the bear got a full stomach, and the hunter had a new fur coat.

............

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon:
with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365:'Shall We Gather at the River.'"


🙂

Originally posted by LittleBear

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon:
with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the wor ...[text shortened]... "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365:'Shall We Gather at the River.'"


🙂

A Sunday school teacher wants to demonstrate the evils of alcohol to her class.

She takes two glasses, half fills one with water and the other with whiskey.

Then she takes two earthworms, puts one in the glass of water. It wriggles around quite merrily. The other she puts in the glass of whiskey. It shrivels up and dies within seconds.

Triumphantly, she turns to the class. "What does this demonstrate?" she asks.

Johnny puts up his hand. "Miss, it shows that if you drink enough whiskey, you ain't got no worms!"

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most."

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running off together behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left."

He replies, "Would you like to do it again?

"Oh, yes let's, she replies! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head."


😛

Originally posted by LittleBear

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winte ...[text shortened]... hange positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head."


😛

Much laughter and enjoyment from this thread, thanks to all, especially LITTLE BEAR, CHEERS ....still laughing now!😀😉😛😉😛😀

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.


FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going
into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall.

Originally posted by WHY AYE
Much laughter and enjoyment from this thread, thanks to all, especially LITTLE BEAR, CHEERS ....still laughing now!😀😉😛😉😛😀

Originally posted by player420
HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing
down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING ...[text shortened]... AMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall.

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and
the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks
that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated
at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about
being eaten..."


As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious
cod fish appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin
turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being
eaten by his old mate.


Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again.
He begs the cod to change him back and, lo and behold, he is turned
back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back
to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering
he searched for his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.


Eager to put things right again he set off to Christian's house. He banged on
the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."


Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, I'll not be tricked. "


Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."

"I've seen Cod. I'm a prawn again Christian".

A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer to have sex.

It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with "T": Tuesday, Thursday, Thanksgiving, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday and Thunday.



🙄

Originally posted by LittleBear
A recent study was made to find out what days men prefer to have sex.

It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with "T": Tuesday, Thursday, Thanksgiving, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday and Thunday.



🙄

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a very well-dressed, middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on a huge stack of bright pink envelopes. Each envelope has hearts all over it. The man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000
Valentines cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.