Jokes and the Culture of Laugh

Originally posted by LittleBear

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled t ...[text shortened]... lastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."


😀

(sorry if ive posted this before... i dont think so, bur just in case tell Russ... 😀 )


I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is John Reiner and could I please speak to Robin Bishop?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up.

Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You're a jerk!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is Joe with the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
program?"

He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"

And the reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.

Just dial 742-4522.


😉

Originally posted by LittleBear

(sorry if ive posted this before... i dont think so, bur just in case tell Russ... 😀 )


I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is John Reiner and could I please speak to Robin Bishop?" Suddenly the phone was slamm ...[text shortened]... ything really bothering you, you can do something about it.

Just dial 742-4522.


😉

Originally posted by LittleBear

(sorry if ive posted this before... i dont think so, bur just in case tell Russ... 😀 )


I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is John Reiner and could I please speak to Robin Bishop?" Suddenly the phone was slamm ...[text shortened]... ything really bothering you, you can do something about it.

Just dial 742-4522.


😉

One from D.Francks:

THE LEGEND of SAMURAI

Back in the time when the Samurai were important, there was a powerful
emperor who needed a new chief Samurai, so he sent out a declaration
throughout the land that he was searching for the best one. A year
passed, and only 3 people showed up for the trials:

....a Japanese Samurai
...a Chinese Samurai
....and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he
should be the chief Samurai.

The Japanese Samurai opened a match box, and out flew a bumblebee. Whoosh!
went his razor sharp sword, and the bumblebee dropped dead on the ground
in 2 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed: "This is impressive!"

The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese Samurai; for him
to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen.

The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box, and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh,
Whoosh! Went his great flashing sword, and the fly dropped dead on the
ground ...in four small pieces.

The emperor exclaimed in awe: "That is really VERY impressive!"

Now the emperor turned to the Jewish Samurai, and asked him also to step
forward and demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai.

The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box, and out flew a small gnat. His
lightning quick sword went Whooooosh! Whooooosh! Whoooosh! ...But the
tiny gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously very disappointed in this display, said: "I see you
are not up to the task. The gnat is not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said: "The performance of a circumcision is not meant to be lethal."


skeeter

Originally posted by skeeter
One from D.Francks:

THE LEGEND of SAMURAI

Back in the time when the Samurai were important, there was a powerful
emperor who needed a new chief Samurai, so he sent out a declaration
throughout the land that he was searching for the best one. A year
passed, and only 3 people showed up for the trials:

....a Japanese Samurai
...a Chinese ...[text shortened]... t smiled and said: "The performance of a circumcision is not meant to be lethal."


skeeter

What gender are they? 🙂

ZIPLOC BAGS
male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.

SWISS ARMY KNIFE
male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

KIDNEYS
female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.

SHOE
male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.

COPIER
female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm up.

TIRE
male, because it goes bald and often is over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOON
male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it... and, of course, there's the hot air part.

SPONGES
female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGE
female, because it is always getting hit on.

SUBWAY
male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up

HOURGLASS
female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMER
male, because it hasn't evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

REMOTE CONTROL
female... Ha! You thought I'd say male. But consider, it gives men pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.


🙂

LOL 🙂 very good - got my rec 🙂

Originally posted by padfoot
LOL 🙂 very good - got my rec 🙂

why can't you rec anymore??

Originally posted by padfoot
why can't you rec anymore??

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?", "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later:
"Daaaa-aaaad.....",
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

There are 3 drunks at a bar opening
They are having a competition to see who can make a good name
one says the king but is not chosen
Another says The queen but is not chosen
The next picks the queens legs and it is chosen.
He gets a free drink the next morning.
The next morning he goes very early to get his drink.
A policeman suspects him of robbery when he asks what he is doing
he says he is wating for the queens legs to open so he can have a drink

u are all se*ist

Originally posted by Devinator3000
u are all se*ist