A man's car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door. A monk answered, listened to the man's story and graciously invited him to spend the night.
The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep. The man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was awakened by strange and beautiful sound.
The next morning, as the monks were repairing his car, he asked about the sound that had woke him. "We're sorry," the monks said. "We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a monk." The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the monks for their kindness and went on his way. During quiet moments afterward, the man pondered the source of the alluring sound.
Several years later, the man happened to be driving in the same area. He stopped at the monastery on a whim and asked admittance. He explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay, he wondered if he might be permitted to spend another night under their peaceful roof. The monks agreed, and so the man stayed with them again.
Late that night, he heard the strange beautiful sound. The following morning he begged the monks to explain the sound. The monks gave him the same answer as before. "We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a monk." By now the man's curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to give up everything and become a monk, for that was the only way he could learn about the sound.
He informed the monks of his decision and began the long and arduous task of becoming a monk. Seventeen years later, the man was finally established as a true member of the order. When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the Abbot of the order and asked to be told the source of the sound.
Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He opened the door with a golden key. That door swung open to reveal a second door of silver, then a third of gold and so on until they had passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last. The new monk's face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld the wondrous source of the beautiful mysterious sound he had heard so many years before.
But, I can't tell you what it was. You're not a monk.
Originally posted by SirLoseALotThat's an evil joke. 🙂
A man's car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door. A monk answered, listened to the man's story and graciously invited him to spend the night.
The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep. The man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was awak ...[text shortened]... ad heard so many years before.
But, I can't tell you what it was. You're not a monk.
~ Cheshire Cat 😀
To all voters:
I am a concerned senior citizen. When President Clinton was in office, I had a nice house, a good job with many benefits, health insurance and even several vacation homes. In short, things were good. Since President Bush has been in office, I have lost my job and my health insurance. I have also lost 2 sons in Iraq. To add insult to injury I am now homeless and have lost everything. We must do whatever John Kerry asks us to do. We must remove President Bush and get a Democrat back in the White House. Please consider my compelling personal story and vote for John Kerry on election day.
Sincerely,
Saddam Hussein
Originally posted by dannypitany*insert whip sound here*.
To all voters:
I am a concerned senior citizen. When President Clinton was in office, I had a nice house, a good job with many benefits, health insurance and even several vacation homes. In short, things were good. Since President Bush has been in office, I have lost my job and my health insurance. I have also lost 2 sons in Iraq. To add insult to inj ...[text shortened]... elling personal story and vote for John Kerry on election day.
Sincerely,
Saddam Hussein
Originally posted by dannypitanyOuch!!
To all voters:
I am a concerned senior citizen. When President Clinton was in office, I had a nice house, a good job with many benefits, health insurance and even several vacation homes. In short, things were good. Since President Bush has been in office, I have lost my job and my health insurance. I have also lost 2 sons in Iraq. To add insult to inj ...[text shortened]... elling personal story and vote for John Kerry on election day.
Sincerely,
Saddam Hussein
~ Cheshire Cat 😀
40 Things Never Said By Southerners
40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Nope, no more for me, I'm drivin tonight.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla
01. Checkmate.
Tampon Shopping
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks if she can help him.
He answers that he looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
"You see it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!"
Material Safety Data Sheet
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 118lbs., known to vary from 110 to 550lbs.
Occurence: Copious quantities throughout the world.
Physical properties:
1. Surface usually covered with a painted field and a variety of esthers.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts when given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in states varying from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.
Chemical properties:
1. Has a genuine affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of attention.
3. VOLATILE: May explode without warning for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in water, but activity greatly increased with alcohol.
Most common uses:
1. Primarily ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Found to be a great aid to relaxation.
Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns rosey pink when discovered in its natural state.
2. Turns green when placed next to a fresher specimen.
Hazards:
1. Hard to retain when left in inexperienced hands.
2. Illegal (not to mention deadly) to possess more than one at a time.
One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost.
Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to
help the country, if I am elected President?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark
bedroom.
"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country, if I am
elected President?" Bush asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure
moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.
"Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country, if elected
President?" Bush asked.
"Go to the theater," replied Abe.
😉
Disclaimer:
Not too much fun here... I believe this are real quotes...
But if you have an oscure sense of humour, you will laugh at these! 🙂
here we go:
"War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'" Jay Leno
"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the
willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain." Jon Stewart
"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and unleaded." Jay Leno
"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either." David Letterman
"Turkey has voted not to allow U.S. troops into their country and Saddam Hussein said 'You can do that?'" Jay Leno
"According to the New York Times, Saddam Hussein has mined all his oil fields, planted bombs in all his major cities, he's got bombs in the military installations, in the airports, and he's mined all the government buildings. There's not much left for us to do, really." Jay Leno
"Good news for Iraq. There's a 50 percent chance that President Bush will confuse it with Iran." Craig Kilborn
"President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up." Craig Kilborn
"President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn't pronounce in countries he never knew existed.". Jay Leno
"President Bush found out something this week. Between the countries of Camaroone, Chile, Angola and Syria, Angola plays the best music when they put you on hold." Craig Kilborn
"As you all know we're about to start March Madness. That's NCAA college basketball tournament when they start with 64 teams and you whittle them down to just one, you know kind of like our allies." Jay Leno
A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The National Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti-war organization called 'Books Not Bombs.' President Bush said, 'Why do you want to drop books on them?'" Jay Leno
"My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for the weekend. So, I took her down the street to the local Texaco." Jay Leno
"Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free." Jay Leno
"Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language." Jay Leno
"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida." Jay Leno
"In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam has challenged President Bush to a live, televised debate. I think this would be fair, since English is a second language to both of them." Jay Leno
"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education . anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda . and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out." Jay Leno
"Secretary of State Colin Powell addressed the United Nations Security Council, offering a compelling 90-minute presentation that not only furthered his case but reminded the world why America is second to none in the field of PowerPoint." Jay Leno
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." Conan O'Brien
"This week officials from France, Russia and Germany accused President Bush of having a fondness for war. Yeah, when asked about it, a spokesman for Bush said, 'It's a one syllable word, of course he's fond of it.'" Conan O'Brien