A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week
and my fiance is still a virgin -- in every way."
The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint and taped it all together ... an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.
That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."
He immediately drops his pants and replies... "Look at this! - Still in the CRATE!"
A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
"Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:...
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again...
Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:...
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
He received an A.
Originally posted by ark13I miss the bear too.
That's not funny; it's depressing.
...
... well, maybe a little funny.
:'(
My votes to see him posting here again, and praying for his health.
In the midtime, I'm re reading the posts in this thread.
And always I get a smile.
Get well soon bear!
- J
Originally posted by sjegRubbish ...heard it years ago!
The Ukrainian economy is failing fast. Unfortunately, a large underwear company has begun to lay off workers. They had hoped to see a market open up to the west, but noone wants to buy Ukrainian boxershorts.
The reason?
Basic design flaw. Chernobyl fall-out.
Chinese proverbs
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
P.S.: the 2nd proverb isn't funny. It's the real thing :'(
- Julia
Originally posted by 7ate9Sorry, absolutely out of topic. No joke here. You can open your own thread on the theme. You are spoiling a clean thread.
teeing up at the first hole Bush gives Jiles his caddy and secret service agent that cheeky grin he does... just before he's about to demolish a nation. hips twist rapidly forwards, as he increases tempo on his back-swing to momentarily pause with two bent arms and his club pointing perfectly at 45 degrees to the right of the hole... and then he let's rip. who ...[text shortened]... lk forwards looking to see if God will make his ball go in the hole, but then he stands on it.
My last post was erased by "robomod".
It doesn't contain swears, offensive words, name calling... so what??
You MUST actualize the vocabulary filtered by your robot beast.
You are (admins) allowing the worst postings, in that sense. While are you not allowing to post into a funny thread?
I blame you.
Ok...
An old one but a good one:
Paddy Irish Man, Paddy English Man and Paddy China Man get a job on a building site.
The formane designates tasks, putting Paddy Irish Man in charge of laying the bricks, Paddy English Man in charge of mixing the mortar, and Paddy China Man in charge of supplies.
Before lunch, the foreman checks on his new employees. He finds Paddy Irish Man with his hands in his pockets.
'Why aren't you working?' he cries is astonishment.
'Sure, I have all of seven bricks here, and no mortar at all!' replies Paddy Irish Man, indignant.
Foreman runs off in search of Paddy English Man, whom he finds twiddling his thumbs.
'Why aren't you working?' he cries is astonishment.
'Actually, old chap, I have no sand and no cement and no sand. Not much I can do, old boy!'
So Foreman runs off in search of that Paddy China Man.
He looks all over the site in vain, and then wanders into the empty warehouse...
SUDDENLY Paddy China Man jumps out from behind a crate into the foreman's path, grinning and waving his hands... the Foreman nearly dies with the fright.
Quoth Paddy China Man: 'Suplise!'.
😀